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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24900352">Sordid</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PacketofRedApples/pseuds/PacketofRedApples'>PacketofRedApples</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Control (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drunken Kissing, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pre-Slash, attempts to incite cheating, pre-game, reupload</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:29:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,830</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24900352</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PacketofRedApples/pseuds/PacketofRedApples</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>An account of Dr. Darling's relationship with Director Zachariah Trench, pre-directorship.</p><p>[Reuploaded by nobody's request.]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Casper Darling/Zachariah Trench</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sordid</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yeah, I just wanted to post this back up again so I could cringe and take it back down again, I guess.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>199X, 12<sup>th</sup> of September.</p><p>It's a few days into September, and it hasn't gotten to be cold quite yet. It’s not New York this time they find themselves at… The people here walk calmly along the boardwalk, as the sun sets. Amongst them you could find Zachariah Trench, strolling on the pier, smoking, surrounded by people. Dr. Darling drops the act of listening to his colleagues and stares despite himself, light worry forming in a ball in his chest. The man's barely ever seen without a cigarette. He doesn't know why it concerns. Or he knows and he doesn't want to admit it.</p><p>Some of the agents and researchers that were along for this AWE decided to go out post-work. The rest agreed to go begrudgingly.</p><p>Trench was doing better in the bar, even bothering to crack a joke or two. It's the roundabout walk they took back after the drinks that they lost him to silence and later somewhere in the crowd.</p><p>Then again it didn't take a genius to see that the agent wasn't a people-person. Still, since their first handshake and introduction, Casper knew that Trench was a man who preferred order and control. No wonder he found himself working in this Bureau… </p><p>Darling excused himself from the others as they kept walking and strides over to the pier, looking more akin to a lost dog than a casually approaching coworker. He nods at Trench as the other glance over. There's a smirk that plays along his lips for a second, before vanishing behind the smoke. The doctor takes this as an invitation to step closer.</p><p>"Doc." Zachariah says, exhaling smoke once more.</p><p>"Hey... you completely ditched everyone else." It's dumb but he couldn't think of anything else to say.</p><p>"As did you, just now." Right. Regardless of all that, Darling shrugs.</p><p>"Enjoying the view?" He leans against the rail then, watching as the last of the sun settles under its water blanket.</p><p>"Can't say I was much looking at it." Zachariah confesses, putting out the cigarette on the nearby trashcan and throwing it out. "I suppose I was too in my own head to notice it. But it is nice."</p><p>"Something bothering you then?" Darling finds himself too invested suddenly, too obnoxious in his questions. He’s trying to start a line of inquiry he should know he wouldn’t get the answers to.</p><p>"Even if it was, I suppose I wouldn't want to bother you, doc--"</p><p>"You don't have to call me doc all the time..." Casper jumps in only to instantly regret it.</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Ye- Yeah. It's fine."</p><p>"All right, then, Darling." Zachariah mutters, leaning back on the rail next to the scientist. Casper freezes up, processing the entire sentence longer than need be. He was expecting a switch to his first name, but... "We should head back to the hotel. It's going to get real dark soon." Trench straightens back up, stepping forward before turning back at the doctor, urging him to follow.</p><p>It was a good thing the place they're staying at isn't far away. It will still be quite a walk, but one would expect that. The others they were with happen to be long gone... Casper thinks this might get awkward. Worries about it really. He knows he couldn't straight up stop it. </p><p>"Darling, you wouldn't happen to smoke?" Trench takes out the packet of cigarettes again after several minutes of walking in silence. Perhaps his own way of deflecting from the silence invading territory between them.</p><p>"I..." he doesn't know what the right answer is under these circumstances. Part of him wants to lie. "...don't smoke." Yet he doesn't. </p><p>Carrying on with the walk out of the corner of his eyes, Casper sees him light the cigarette with a shabby worn-out looking Zippo. He contemplates replacing it suddenly, but can't pinpoint why he should really care. It obviously still works despite the struggle it gave the other man... Trench breathes in the smoke and breathes out. The scientist wonders what's causing this constant, knows asking would be rude and pointless. </p><p>They continue along the path, cars passing through and becoming the only sound. Somewhere along there, Darling realized they both failed to stop from walking in the quiet. He also realized it wasn't uncomfortable. </p><p>Of course, he ruins it then by starting up. He couldn’t help it, once he realized it was okay, his brain settled into this mode—feeling the do or die urge to speak.</p><p>"Trench, how did you end up joining the bureau?”</p><p>It takes a moment before a chuckle leaves the other man, and he decides to speak.</p><p>“You don’t really care for that, do you?”</p><p>“I’m curious, I mean—that’s my job. To be curious.”</p><p>“I didn’t know it extended to coworkers. Should I worry about you snitching against any possible promotion?”</p><p>“No, nothing like that.” Darling laughs, light and gentle, maybe a little awkward from the concern of the other being serious. Despite that, it’s pretty clear he’s joking, right? Not the side to Trench he expected to see. He frankly was used to Trench being cold and distant from everyone, then again they never had a direct interaction before… “But I suppose when you have no family it makes sense, doesn’t it? But it does get lonely…”</p><p>“It does, my wife helps me with that, however…” Wife… so that’s how it was. “Anyway, you can go in, I’ll finish my smoke.”</p><p> </p><p>199X, 30<sup>th</sup> of October.</p><p>It was okay, it really was all okay—well, ‘was’ being the word one should emphasize. Darling managed to control himself from really going down the gutter or so, you know—spiraling out of command of himself, but then Trench laughed at his joke when they were talking…</p><p>“I mean, yeah, it’s pretty great but artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.” Darling muttered, which took a second or two before Trench chuckled, lightly. But it was close enough.</p><p>Casper never thought his heart would speed up like that. He excused himself tom the situation, terrified. Spent the rest of his lunch break in his office, drinking coffee and feeling his heart, which refused to settle at all. He couldn’t help the goofy grin that kept crawling onto his face, remembering that he managed to do what he did. His laugh was not expected. Really. Gentle and so restrained, yet not forced. Casper wonders if he could manage to get him to laugh unshackled from whatever self-conscious made him be like…</p><p>Darling’s entire body felt light. Shit, he really fucked it up this time…</p><p> </p><p>199X, 1<sup>st</sup> of November.</p><p>Trench steps into the lab, looking around and it’s really more so that the other hears him than sees him.</p><p>“Who’s there?” He asks, panicked, looking at the general direction of the person.</p><p>“Zachariah Trench, really I thought we were friends by now, Darling.”</p><p>“I’ll have to admit, you’re blurry as hell, I can’t see anything. I think I misplaced my glasses” Casper confesses, fidgeting in spot, before returning to feel around the office in a quest to find the spectacles.</p><p>“Just, hold up, all right?” Trench says, before glancing through the room. Darling obeys.</p><p>Trench walks over to one of the tables, picks something up but the doctor can only see the shape of it all. Eventually, though the agent approaches him, bringing something up to his face and gently sliding it onto Darling’s face, -- obviously, it was his glasses. It’s sort of embarrassing how quickly the other found them… Regardless, once Trench adjusts them to not be crooked, he smirks at the other man and lightly taps his cheek before dropping to shoulder.</p><p>“Better?”</p><p>“Yeah…” Darling then realizes he’s staring at the other, mouth agape and wide-eyed. Zachariah merely chuckles which worsens the starry-eyed look on the scientist.</p><p>“You all right?” Trench’s inquiry is slightly troubled by the other’s state.</p><p>“You have no idea.” Darling replies, after a lengthy pause. He never realized how incredible the other’s eyes were… In this distance, it was extremely clear. He could drown in them.</p><p>“Right.” Trench nods. “Anyway, Northmoor sent me here.” </p><p>“Oh, right, the files.” Darling bounces out of his state, stalking over to the filing cabinet.</p><p>It’s been a while since Darling got sent anywhere with the agents as an on the spot assistant with collecting data. Sort of missed it… He’d have to peruse the director to give him more fieldwork, especially if it meant to spend time with Zachariah. But he shouldn’t get hung up on that.</p><p> </p><p>199X, 12<sup>th</sup> of November.</p><p>Trench brought him a case file, some documents to review, and then ended up hanging out in the lab. Dr. Darling sat at one of the desks, while the agent leaned against one of the other tables, just waiting for any response that would tell him he can go.</p><p>“You might want to take a look at this.” Casper says before really thinking it through as Zachariah approaches him and presses his left arm onto the desk as he leaned. Darling looks ahead, feeling the other body lean over him. The proximity was a lot. Worst of all he could now smell beyond the scent of cigarettes on Trench. There’s a faint sharp menthol smell that lingers in his nostrils, reminding him of medication among other things and then his stomach churned, panicked at it alone. But he gulps and nods, moving over paperwork for the other to see well.</p><p>Then the sensation feels like a thousand tiny bugs crawling up his skin, there’s a shiver that goes down Darling’s spine even if he tries his best to suppress it.</p><p>“You all right?” The voice just above him is slightly curious. Always the same question… But he noticed. Of course, he would. Trench’s eyes see all, or at least most things. He was the ideal amount observant for a field agent.</p><p>“I’m fine.”</p><p>“If you say so…” Trench concludes, before continuing to read the page Darling had open, possibly leaning in even closer. Darling tenses, scared. Yeah, he didn’t think this through. Zachariah’s hand moves past his shoulder, pointing at one part of the file. “This is the interesting part, right?”</p><p>Darling mutters a ‘yes’ but his eyes fixate on how scratched up the agent’s fingers are. He can’t help but… interrogate… the other.</p><p>“What happened to your hands?”</p><p>“Huh? This? Nothing; was helping Kate with the roses.”</p><p>Kate? Oh right, the lucky Mrs. Trench… right.</p><p>Darling concludes he really needs to do something about this situation. His heart and mind don’t give him any other options… Let alone the fact that he can’t think of a moral way around this that’ll let him keep his sanity.</p><p> </p><p>199X, 30<sup>th</sup> of November.</p><p>Darling walks out of Northmoor’s office, self-satisfied at his small achievement. It is there he spots Trench, standing by the hall, his hand fidgets and Casper realizes that the other really needs a smoke. How long has he been without one?</p><p>“Hey, Trench--?” Casper greets, approaching the other man, face plagued with concern. The celebratory factor will have to wait.</p><p>“Oh, Darling.” It feels less like an address, more so he sounds surprised to have been noticed or even acknowledged. “Listen, I’m in no mood to talk now…”</p><p>“That’s fine.” Darling says, fighting a defeated sigh and the disappointed expression. This deflated his mood entirely.  Trench picks up on it, huffs and then shakes his head.</p><p>“Northmoor wants to kill me after what I did on the last expedition, essentially. I’m probably getting crucified for it… Sorry, but it’s not the time to chat now, he’s expecting me in his office by now. I’ll be lucky if I get to work without supervision after this.” The explanation was the brief and quick, honestly, before he walks past the scientist.</p><p>Surprisingly, once Trench was further away, Darling grinned.</p><p>Maybe he can manage this.</p><p> </p><p>199X, 5<sup>th</sup> of December.</p><p>“We’ll have to share a room?”</p><p>“Seems so.” Casper grins up at the other who looks already too exhausted to care. It took a lot of convincing and pestering with plenty of people to arrange it, but the chance is here. Darling was going to take it. “It’s not that bad! I mean, I never had sleepovers as a kid…”</p><p>“We’re too old for that shit, plus we’ve got work to do, Darling…”</p><p>“Right, right.” A pause as he followed Trench into the room then, to look at the two twin size beds there. “Could be worse, though.” He’s still bearing a dopey smile, it’s hard to miss, but Zachariah must deem it normal and doesn’t question the other’s enthusiasm. And it was quite normal, except he didn’t see the minuscule amount of everything else that followed behind Casper as he acted so next to him.</p><p>“Guess so, at least it’s not only one bed.”</p><p>Shit, he should have thought of that… so much for genius. Too late for that now… Then again there was no suspicious way of handling that… He’d just have to accept it.</p><p>Trench sets down his bag looks around the room as if to realize and take in how small it was… Hell, the heating didn’t even feel like it was on.</p><p>“Maybe there’s another room out there.” Trench offers, before striding out towards the door.</p><p>“Wait—“ Darling panics. If he gets another room, then this entire scheme was pointless. Dammit.</p><p> “I’ll be back in a bit; I just want to drop by the front desk if there’s no other room.”</p><p>“O- Okay.” Casper watches the other man round the corner, and then drops on the bed, a terrified expression on his face. What the hell—all this for nothing. He sighs as he takes off his glasses, rubs his eyes.</p><p>After lamenting and contemplating for a minute, he takes out a bottle of whiskey from his bag, having packed it for more celebratory purposes. And knowing one should never be too careful about what they see on these trips… but the latter was an afterthought and more of an excuse he had prepared  </p><p>He finds the glass soon enough in the room and pours himself one. At first, he downs the one for courage, then two for more of it and a third to forget the moral issue and gray area that this will become. When Trench returns, however, the lightweight of a scientist is sitting on his bed, flustered from the alcohol and still nursing a glass. He is not a pretty sight. </p><p>“They said there’s no way they can move either of us…Just our luck— shit, Darling, are you all right?”</p><p>“I’m great.” Darling perks up, smiling sloppily before sipping more of the alcohol. Trench’s cringe at that was obvious. He looks him over, then, analyzing what Dr. Darling was doing. He steps closer, careful in his action, however. Minding every minuscule detail of the scene.</p><p>Darling looks up at him when he’s standing in front of him and he continues to grin.</p><p>“We have work tomorrow.”</p><p>“I don’t mind… do you?” Darling questions as if it makes sense, but it really feels disheartening to hear that. Trench refuses to answer.</p><p>It doesn’t take much longer after that then that the bravery from the alcohol consumed takes over Darling’s body. He’s such a fucking lightweight that he’s drunk enough for that after four glasses of old number seven. He grabs at Zachariah’s hips, dragging him closer as he stands up, and positively beams at the other’s eyes.</p><p>“What the—“ Is all the agent can offer, as Darling moves to kiss him. Trench moves back, pulling as far apart as he can. “Get the fuck off me, Darling.”</p><p>“Wh—what…?" The scientist stops, surpassingly. He’s unsure. He hadn’t expected much of anything of this sort, then again—in his head he felt he planned it out well…but his execution was not according to the scheme. He’s underperforming, not a trait he enjoyed let alone in himself. But the alcohol works and moves for him. “What do you mean, Trench, come on.”</p><p> “You're the dumbest smart person I know, Darling.” Zachariah says, putting his hands onto the sides of the scientist. “I’m a married man, forgot?” He then uses the leverage of where his arms were to roughly push the scientist away. Once in a safe distance, he moves to pick up his bag, then heads for the door leaving with the explanation that he’ll sleep in the car.</p><p> </p><p>199X, 13<sup>th</sup> of January.</p><p>Oregon winters... now that’ll be something to remember. It oddly felt like winter back in New York just wasn’t that bad. Well, mainly because they weren’t.</p><p>Trench and Darling have been driving for a good while now, no real talk between them… Tiring, but Darling was refreshing his mind over the case file and what they had so far. Something or other was causing trouble; they needed a careful way to bring it in. This was their first job between them since early December; however, there was no real tension here now.</p><p>They pull up at the motel parking lot, park the car. Once they get out, Darling lights up at the snow, kicking some of it along the way as they walk towards the building, the other car will come in later due to a busted tire along the way. For now, they’ll have enough time to settle in and wait till the rest arrive.</p><p>“You’re going to fall down like that.” Trench says flatly, watching as the scientist moves around the snow, trying to slide on some ice.</p><p>“It’s fun though, you ought to try it.”</p><p>“No, thanks.” Trench mutters back, stepping closer once the feeling of foreboding takes place in his body. He’s not too far away, but still watches as Darling picks up some snow with his gloveless hands and forms a ball with it…</p><p>Trench rolls his eyes, decides to ignore the impending doom and walks towards the reception room. Darling throws the ball at Trench, just by barely hitting him on the shoulder and it freezes the agent.</p><p>“Darling, I’m going to kill you.” Trench raises his voice but it’s a jest regardless as Darling chuckles despite how cold his hands were after throwing the snowball. If anything it added to it, the shake from inside over the coolness of the weather. Zachariah shifts to face him, wiping off snow from himself. Then he decides to give a scare to the other, stepping closer and closer towards the body with a frown on his face. It works, as Darling steps back in a rush, resulting in not realizing or really just forgetting there was ice behind him.  He falls on his back, full-body and it sends Trench into a wide grin he can’t fight.</p><p>“You okay down there, buddy?”</p><p>“…Never better. Hey, you mind helping me up?” Darling extends his arm towards the agent who contemplates this for less than a second before grabbing his arm and pulling slightly, to help the scientist stand. Hell, he even went the extra mile to make sure he wouldn’t slip on ice again by leveling him slightly till he walked off further to the cleared path. Only then does he let go, sure the other won’t collapse. Meanwhile, during all of this poor Ol’ Casper was trying his best not to grin, or hold on too long. Despite how fast his heart drummed, he knew he didn’t want a repeat of the incident from a month back.</p><p>Making a move on Trench was a bad call… at least under those conditions. This felt lighter, but Darling was still scared to try again.</p><p>He had then followed Trench for a week with coffee, apologizing with the most kicked puppy face he could manage. Trench didn’t want to forgive him, let alone look at him, but eventually, he sighed and took the beverage and muttering a “fine.” So if anything, he wore him down at least. It seemed all right enough now, too.</p><p>This situation was better…maybe remaining friends was going to be a better call… for good. At least he still gets to keep him close by.</p><p>It’s not that bad and he avoids the realization of being a terrible person, right?</p><p> </p><p>199X, 23<sup>rd</sup> of February</p><p>The passing was sudden, or well, it felt so. Darling wasn’t even aware something this grim had happened or was developing in the Trench-household. Shocked, Darling hadn’t seen the other man for a week or two, then, atop the full-on time, he spent with Trench seemingly disappearing from the office at afternoon or avoided Darling through and through.</p><p>Casper had no idea this was happening at all… To say he felt terrible when the gossip reached him indirectly, overheard in the cafeteria, would have been an understatement.</p><p>It isn’t till much later that he finds Trench, absolutely distraught, standing in one of the men’s bathrooms in the executive sector. He only notices because of the smell of cigarettes. Trench was smoking there, looking like he’s on a verge of breaking down.   </p><p>They don’t really say anything, Trench looks at him, his reddened eyes and Darling doesn’t empathize but he does sympathize. The doctor stands to his side, leaning against the sinks just like Zachariah and they stay like that, till the agent drops his smoke into the sink and moves towards Casper, who without thinking lets the other hug him. They stand like that for a good while, it must have been almost 5 minutes of Trench trying his best to prevent the shaking and failing.</p><p>The doctor wants to say something but is unsure about what. ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ sounds absolutely banal… So instead, he stays quiet.</p><p>It is a month or two after that Kate leaves Trench. Darling is angered by this. How the hell can she just leave him all alone? So it becomes no surprise that Darling becomes accustomed to seeking out Trench, no ploys in mind, to keep him company; it’s the least he can do, after all.</p><p>He doesn’t even think of making another move, even if it’s valid now. Casper wanted to make sure Zachariah is okay, and nothing more… He can’t help but worry, in the long run. Yet, it is better to be a friend, anyway, right?</p><p> </p><p>199X, 3<sup>rd</sup> of April</p><p>Sordid (adj): immoral or dishonorable.</p><p>That’s not the word Darling expects or wants to think of, but he finds himself reminded of it.</p><p>He wasn’t supposed to use this opportunity, but then Trench… Trench is hard not to fall for, that is, for Darling not to fall for.</p><p>So when he leans in and kisses him, drunken haze and all, is he really to blame to be using a broken man for his own good? The stubborn bastard had Casper falling for him over and over again, had him deny himself. So he uses enough bravery to make a move, to try again.</p><p>But then, Trench kisses back.</p><p> </p>
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